Goodbye 2019

For as long as we have been together, Mark and I give each other “wish gifts” for Christmas.   They are small tokens, used to represent our wish for the other during the coming year.   

This year, Mark gave me a brown haired barbie doll ...covered in bandages.   

“She represents everywhere you were hurt this year.  My wish is that you heal”.

Not going to lie.  2019 put me through my paces.   It challenged me in ways I never could have imagined. I have always considered myself to be a strong woman, I realized, my strength is irrelevant if I am not challenged to use it.   I am honored to say...I used it. I did not shy away. I met each obstacle head on, and I did my level best. I grumbled. I cried. But, I never stopped my relentless forward progress. Looking back, I am thankful with how I traversed this year. I am proud of me.

I had a true moment of clarity during a sunrise run in Arizona.   I felt light and free. I was empowered. For the very first time in my life, I truly connected with my own energy and knew that my struggles were meant to help me grow.   I am on a path that is part of a plan; albeit, a plan I do not understand. 

A door opened that day.  Mindfulness and meditation began to make inroads to my psyche.  I pursued becoming a Reiki practitioner and am on the way to becoming a Reiki Master.   I will trust that I am being guided towards the direction I am meant to follow.

As I exit 2019, I do know that I am changed. And,  that is okay. I will rip off every friggin one of those bandages. I know I will find scars, but I will heal.

I will breathe.
I will think of solutions.
I will not let my worry control me.
I will not let my stress levels break me.
I will simply breathe.
And, it will be okay.
Because, I don’t quit.


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