It’s never expected when it happens. I’ll never know why that moment has embedded itself. The memory is vivid and it is my barometer.
Rick and I are in the backseat of my mom’s green Chevy Nova. It’s way too early in the morning. Rick will head to Hobomock Rink 1, and I’ll be in two. Hockey for him. “Patch” workout for me. I’m in my homemade floral skating dress. I’ll spend hours working the nuances of circles exactly three times my height. The true origin of figure skating. It was these early mornings that taught me endurance, precision, diligence and perseverance. And, it is without a doubt, where my mind takes me when I am in my happy place.
I’ll be going about my business, and BAM! I’m in that rink. I can re-capture the smells. The music. The scuffs on the boards. The tone of my coach chiding me when I wobble. It is a reminder to me that I am right where I need to be in my life. I am centered. I am filled with pursuits I find fulfilling. I am loved.
Last year, I heard “take 4-6 weeks off running” from my surgeon, and I heard that on five diffeent occasions. My body was saying no and my soul was unable to fill the void. My head was hearing that I needed the rest. My heart wasn’t having it. Last month, I laced ‘em up and hit the Phunt 50k trail. I was fearing less. I could feel the essence of who I am as a person unfold from its cocoon. I was ME!
It’s been a process. One I probably made harder by pushing in the wrong directions. There will be finish lines I won't find, but I’ll find more starting lines. I wobble now, especially in the morning, in ways that would make my former skating coach have a coronary. I’m learning how my new stride works. I’m taking on challenges (thank you, Roger! (At least) 7 miles a day, EVERY day in February!!!) I have moved away from exercise, and I’m back to training!
I am who I want to be. I don’t have a wishbone where I want my back bone. I am putting in the work. My body may not have forgiven me for trying to push it beyond what it could handle, but it is working with me. I am once again making relentless forward progress!
I am rooted, and ready to fly a little higher. I will take that stride and work those circles. I am in a happy place. And, to quote a fav song from Copper Wimmin, “ I am walking on this Earth stronger than ever”.