Relentless Starts

Every day...every moment.  There is no laurel resting.  There is no credit for past accomplishments. It’s all about taking steps.  It’s about what is in this very moment. Facing what needs to be faced, and doing what needs to be done.   One more more more “let’s do this”. Continually asking, Is this useful?  Is this moving me forward? Am I doing what needs to be done?  Is this the best use of my time? it’s about millions of mini goals and letting go of expectations and accepting reality.  It's about knowing where I want to go, and driving hard to get there. It’s about starting over and over and over again.

I’m huge on lists.  Making one is the very first thing I do each day and I work relentlessly on completing it.  I schedule, reschedule. I adjust. I start. I do. I get stuff done.

And, sometimes, it’s too much.  

I have to look at priorities and respond to what I can handle.  Sometimes I drop a spinning plate...most times, I don’t. It’s okay when I do….I can start again.

I don't stop.  I may have to regroup.  I may have to build momentum.  I may have to tell myself, “you can do this”,  and believe it. And, then, I need to get moving with momentum again.

Starting is hard, but it is what drives me to my goals, and I have learned to do it, and do it again, and do it again, to relentlessly get where I want to go.  

I trust in the universe.  I trust that what I am seeking is seeking me, and all I have to do, is put in  the work to meet it.

I get this nag to run.  Not only to run, but to race...I crave the mind mess of the starting line...I’m energized to get set up against weather that should see me under a blanket with a chick flick...I thrive on getting  completely uncomfortable...I literally want to go the extra mile when my body tells me to stop. Racing is a part of me, and it truly moves me forward. Rick took a race. Weather took a race. IEP writing took a race. Noah’s graduation is taking a race. And, now a situation with another loved one’s health, is threatening a race.   This loved one almost hit a hard stop, but instead gets a new and very different start. I NEED to pick up this plate, because I’m now spinning it for more than just me.

I’m off to my annual camping race with my buddies, while under life circumstances that are not ideal.  Both Jim and Russell have told me that it’s okay if I bow out. I emphatically told them that it simply won’t happen.   I want to laugh my butt off. I want to get picked on for something I say. I want to have inside jokes. I want to cry and feel what I feel without judgement.  And, I want my feet to propel me through every single emotion. I want to move forward.

C’mon life...go ahead.  Throw what you’ve got at me get knocked down.  Then step back, and watch me start again.


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