Finding My Way Back

It’s been two months since I’ve raced.
Two months since I’ve felt words bubbling up so much I couldn’t wait to write them down.
Two months since I’ve felt that raw openness that only ultra-running can give me.
Two months since I’ve been so physically depleted, that I become primal.
Two months since I’ve been able to silence the to-do lists and responsibilities and let my mind wander to where it really needs to go.
Two months since I’ve really felt like me.

I found me again on the trail this weekend.
I found rain and mud and cold and solitude.  
I found deep connections and a recognition of what is really important.
I found the re-living of memorable encounters.
I found where I truly can make a difference.

I discovered that I was making excuses.
I discovered I was hiding from the trails  and playing it safe.
I discovered that my comfort zone is in NOT playing it safe.
I discovered that I have more to give, even when I think I don't.
I discovered that I can be there more strongly for others, when I take this time for me.

This is me recognizing that I am not afraid of setting myself up to fail.
This is me not resting on my laurels...I’ve got more to do.
This is me not listening to my excuses.
This is me not being afraid to live my life on my terms.
This is me playing the hand that I am dealt and playing it with all I’ve got.

I learned that a break was needed.
I learned that I will no longer pretend to be me, I’m going to be me.
I learned that I don’t know where life will take me, but I do know it will include lots of muddy, hilly trails, a warm blanket and heated car seats.


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