Into the Darkness

In 2019, my self-wish is to take my running somewhere different.  I thrive on challenges and making memories. I want to get dirty.  I want to get uncomfortable. I want to walk funny for days after. I want to hurt, and know that I’ll survive.   Screw playing it safe. I want to set myself up to fail, and see where that happens. I want to succeed, and see where it went well.   I vow that I will not give the end more power, than the start and middle of a race.
And, so I began, with some back to back 50’s.
The 50/50, was light and bright.   The mood was carefree and there was no doubt at the start, that I would find the finish.  It was utterly unmemorable, but gave me nice tired legs to work with.
Fast forward to the Greenbrier 50 miler.   Not only right after the 50k, but run directly after 10 hours of yoga training.  
Heres, the twist….the race started at midnight.  (Rog, I finally did one of these!!!!). I literally only got to the park about an hour before the start.  The race and yoga constituted about 8 hours of driving. I had not been sleeping well for two weeks before the race due to work requirements.  My adrenaline was high, but my cognitive abilities were low.
I was exhausted and about to step into my nightmare.
This race took much of what I know about endurance racing and tossed it.   Normally, for me, I look forward to the nights...I’ve learned the trail...I can adjust my pace...I can recover and regroup.  
This flipped that.
I had fresh legs on unfamiliar terrain.   I had thought I had given up on technical trails, but in my spirit of pushing my limits, I found myself looking at 7,000 feet of climbing on a root-filled, animal thick, pitch black trail.  There was no taking my foot of the gas to learn the trail...I’ve you’ve run single track, you know you’re only going as fast as the runner in front of you. It was AWESOME!
My tiredness caused hallucinations earlier than I expected….compounded by the real life encounter of a random poodle.  I honestly didn’t know if he was real or not.


I death marched.
I was rained on.

 There was mud. Hell yes, there was mud!
I was overdressed.
I had a full on hissy fit.
My feel were demolished.
But, my brain took advantage of my body being kept on its toes.   The darkness helped me find clarity. I took things I had been perseverating on and looked at them from a different angle.  As my body was struggling, my mind was settling. I left the course a woman with a different perspective than the woman who was at the start.
I ran through it.
And, I won my age group.

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