Spousal Support: A few words from guest blogger Mark Basehart
Each one is different and yet the same--no matter how frequent
or infrequent the “get-aways.” Her
last thought before she starts a race is “why am I doing this?” (It always
starts with why to power up her happy). Her first thought after finishing a
race is “When can I do it again?” (A
restless soul searching for essentialism—the disciplined pursuit of less by
doing more). When she tightens her ponytail or puts on her running hat, you
know it’s about to go down. She needs her alone time and space. She runs
epically, reaching, owning it.
Afterwards, I feel the need to send condolences for the loss of her
toenails.
These people—you, who call yourselves ultra-runners—are simultaneously
blessed and cursed. You understand
what it is to embrace, live and manifest the YOLO mentality of the 21st
century—it is what we ALL crave—to “regret
proof ” this life—at one level or another, through the pursuit of our passions
of choice. You have found a tribe of like- minded individuals who “get” you and
themselves—words need not be spoken, merely one’s presence at a race is proof
enough. These people know
the secret of life. But, then again, the same can be said for anyone who finds
a passion and pursues it with every fiber of their being.
I have learned that the
spouses/partners/roommates/significants/friends of such people had better “get
it” or be left behind in the dust as quick as you can say “fartleck” To love,
honor, cherish and hold (say it with me, people, for faster or slower, PR or DNF and
lactic acid build-up). From the outside, looking in, the basics of an ultra-marathon
are as follows: left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot…. repeat for 3 to
72 hours. Maddening to us mere
mortals. But this is a sport born
from the inside looking out. As
Bruce Cockburn said, …” you’ve got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds
daylight…” The epic quest for that
ONE THING when breath becomes air and our selves go from good to great. Love,
honor, cherish and hold. Support
and feed. At all costs. So, while it doesn’t make for good television, it certainly
makes for great Hollywood. The big
reason—present over perfect. Get
it?
I who “support”
an ultra-runner question daily if I “feed” her. Tapering has brought an excuse for every one of her irrational
thoughts and actions. Including
the building of amazing home improvement projects that would bring Tim the
Tool-man to his knees with envy and shame. A clean house and organized life is a sign that she is
injured or not feeling well. Nocturnal
marathons are won and lost on a nightly basis in our house. With all due
respect, if you’re not a distance runner, your definition of tired is
discredited. “I am tired, I think I’ll
go for a run”, is indeed, her runner’s logic. “You are crazy” is her favorite compliment that takes on more
significance when uttered from another runner. She becomes a mathematical wizard whilst running but doesn’t
“sweat the small stuff” off the course.
For, you see, she is at once stubborn, resourceful and
self-sufficient (a byproduct of the sport she loves, breathes and needs) and, at times, in need of a “caregiver”—someone who can
“crew” her life and her races. On
my part, this takes a balance between anticipating needs, wants, cravings, and
wishes, while at the same time not doing TOO much as to upset the equilibrium
between thoughtful and enabling—this would call into doubt the self-sufficiency
that is a harbinger of her “journey”.
Balance between being sweet and annoyingly nice.
It’s hard to think of a better feeling than completing a
distance you have never gone before.
And so, at the “Across the Years” ultra-marathon in Phoenix Arizona, with
“Crocodile Rock” blasting from the speakers, Eva floated effortlessly across
the finish line under an afternoon desert sky after the completion of 151
miles—her PR.
“The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground”…a
desert rose was born. Present over
perfect.
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