The blog is back. Thank you Brooks!
I’m taking a different approach with this blog. I’m writing it the night before the race. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and be at the starting line for the Beast 100. I have no idea if I will make it to the finish line, but deciding the start is a victory for me.
My head just hasn’t been in the game. I’ve been running (lots), but not following my training plan. I'm too skinny. I have a pretty yucky foot rash caused by an allergic reaction. Anything can happen tomorrow.
But, my victory is getting to the starting line.
This past week, I ran away from home (in a manor of speaking). I packed my tent, my running shoes, a few necessities, and me and I headed out. I went off the grid. Noah was busy with his job, the fire department, his girlfriend and his friends. He recently was certified to drive emergency vehicles for the FD, and has been quite busy. Natalie was at sleep-away horse camp. She told me she had a narcoleptic horse, who would fall asleep walking and trot into trees…LOL!. Mark was busy spreading it around (his summer lawn fertilizer job) and prepping for his World WBFF competition. I wouldn’t be missed.
It gave me time to clear my head….to feel strong…and, for the last three days, to stuff my face.
I ran on incredibly beautiful trails. I went to Oil Creek and turned left (sorry Rog). I camped alone in the woods with bear warnings. I camped next to a couple that used their running motorcycle headlight as a flashlight, intermittently for HOURS. I traveled to remote spots, simply because I wanted to go. I went to a rope obstacle park and bruised up my body conquering double black diamond courses!!!! I sat. I wrote. I did nothing but watch a dog play in a river for an hour. I lay awake and wondered what critter ran up and over my tent in the middle of the night. I stopped talking and listened...to my heart. I watched sunrises and sunsets. I listened to nature’s night noises. I wished on stars. I briefly met a stranger who told me I am a very interesting woman, and that five-minute conversation shocked me. I sat and wrote what I want out of life and how I can get it. I made decisions. I realized that my children are the most important people in the world to me. I moved forward on a path that I can’t see very clearly….yet.
It took time away for me to fully learn that I am responsible for calling the shots in my own life, and to determine what is important to me.
I learned that the people who are in my life are there at their own choice. I can open the door, share how I feel, and accommodate, but if someone wants to share in the silliness of my life, it is at their will, not mine. I have to accept that.
I learned that if I am important to someone else, I may not always see it.
I learned that everything can change in an instant.
I learned that sometimes the best way to be a friend is to step away and to provide time and space.
I learned that home is not a building.
I learned that they way I see things, may not be the way others see it. Perspectives need to be shared to increase understanding.
I learned that getting a text from a friend saying “how’s my beautiful friend today?” even when she is going through her own strife, is absolutely priceless, and explains why she has been in my life, well, for most of my life. (Xoxoxox)
I learned that I want to always live passionately.
I learned that I like challenges, but sometimes I make things harder on myself simply for the challenge.
I learned that I will do all I can in this life to avoid regret.
I learned that both giving and receiving second (third/fourth…) chances is a good thing. There is always forgiveness.
I learned that feeling cared about is the most wonderful feeling I can imagine. Not feeling cared about hurts like hell. I need to remember to show that I care.
I learned that there are big changes coming to my life, and I am not afraid. (well, maybe a little…)
I learned that I am NOT capable of falling out of love.
I learned that truly if there is a will, there IS a way.
I learned that I am not patient.
I also am reminded of something I already knew. I don’t sleep well then night before big races, but writing helps. I have no idea what the Beast will bring me tomorrow (TODAY..ugh). In many ways, I am unprepared. Heck, I’m not even packed yet! But, I am feeling stronger, and, I'm ready to throw myself in and see what happens. It will be hard, but how I handle it will be up to me and the things I've learned along the way.