Running Away and Learning Along the Way
The blog is back.
Thank you Brooks!
I’m taking a different approach with this blog. I’m writing it the night before the
race. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and
be at the starting line for the Beast 100. I have no idea if I will make it to the finish line, but
deciding the start is a victory for me.
My head just hasn’t been in the game. I’ve been running (lots), but not following my
training plan. I'm too skinny. I have a pretty yucky foot rash caused
by an allergic reaction. Anything
can happen tomorrow.
But, my victory is getting to the starting line.
This past week, I ran away from home (in a manor of
speaking). I packed my tent, my
running shoes, a few necessities, and me and I headed out. I went off the grid. Noah was busy with his job, the fire
department, his girlfriend and his friends. He recently was certified to drive emergency vehicles for
the FD, and has been quite busy.
Natalie was at sleep-away horse camp. She told me she had a narcoleptic horse, who would fall
asleep walking and trot into trees…LOL!.
Mark was busy spreading it around (his summer lawn fertilizer job) and
prepping for his World WBFF competition. I wouldn’t be missed.
It gave me time to clear my head….to feel strong…and, for
the last three days, to stuff my face.
I ran on incredibly beautiful trails. I went to Oil Creek and turned left
(sorry Rog). I camped alone in the
woods with bear warnings. I camped
next to a couple that used their running motorcycle headlight as a flashlight,
intermittently for HOURS. I traveled to remote spots, simply because I wanted to go. I went
to a rope obstacle park and bruised up my body conquering double black diamond
courses!!!! I sat. I wrote. I did nothing but watch a dog play in a river for an
hour. I lay awake and wondered
what critter ran up and over my tent in the middle of the night. I stopped talking and listened...to my heart. I watched sunrises and sunsets. I listened to nature’s night
noises. I wished on stars. I briefly met a stranger
who told me I am a very interesting woman, and that five-minute conversation
shocked me. I sat and wrote what I
want out of life and how I can get it.
I made decisions. I
realized that my children are the most important people in the world to
me. I moved forward on a path that
I can’t see very clearly….yet.
It took time away for me to fully learn that I am responsible
for calling the shots in my own life, and to determine what is important to
me.
I learned that the people who are in my life are there at
their own choice. I can open the
door, share how I feel, and accommodate, but if someone wants to share in the
silliness of my life, it is at their will, not mine. I have to accept that.
I learned that if I am important to someone else, I may not
always see it.
I learned that everything can change in an instant.
I learned that sometimes the best way to be a friend is to
step away and to provide time and space.
I learned that home is not a building.
I learned that they way I see things, may not be the way
others see it. Perspectives need
to be shared to increase understanding.
I learned that getting a text from a friend saying “how’s my
beautiful friend today?” even when she is going through her own strife, is
absolutely priceless, and explains why she has been in my life, well, for most
of my life. (Xoxoxox)
I learned that I want to always live passionately.
I learned that I like challenges, but sometimes I make
things harder on myself simply for the challenge.
I learned that I will do all I can in this life to avoid
regret.
I learned that both giving and receiving second (third/fourth…)
chances is a good thing. There is always forgiveness.
I learned that feeling cared about is the most wonderful
feeling I can imagine. Not feeling
cared about hurts like hell. I
need to remember to show that I care.
I learned that there are big changes coming to my life, and
I am not afraid. (well, maybe a little…)
I learned that I am NOT capable of falling out of love.
I learned that truly if there is a will, there IS a way.
I learned that I am not patient.
I also am reminded of something I already knew. I don’t sleep well then night before
big races, but writing helps. I
have no idea what the Beast will bring me tomorrow (TODAY..ugh). In many ways, I am unprepared. Heck, I’m not even packed yet! But, I am feeling stronger, and, I'm ready to throw myself
in and see what happens. It will
be hard, but how I handle it will be up to me and the things I've learned along the way.
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