Eva Runs Through It

Me:  I love you, Dad. Dad:  What? Am I dying? In fact, he was.  This was the last thing I said to my dad, and the first time I ever said it to him.  We just didn’t use those words in our house The first time my mom said it, was on my wedding day.  She was walking away from me, heading out the door.   I knew it was hard for her, and I cherished hearing it. Once when Danielle (of course Danielle would ask this) asked why, my mom said, “You know you are loved. Why do you need to hear it?”.   In college we used to say “I ludge you”.  I could do that.  We said it so we didn’t sound gay.  For many of my sorority sisters, there is tremendous irony in that statement. This weekend, I ran C+O Canal.  I had high hopes for this race, and I trained with a vengeance.  For some reason, I can go pretty fast on that course, and I’ve set two PR’s along that canal. On the trail, it got pretty “dark” for me.  Th...

I thought he had already left for work.  I went into our bedroom, and shut the door.  We were both surprised when he found me, on the floor, in child pose. M:  “What the hell are you doing?” E:  “I’m just trying to figure out how to get it all done” M:  “Tiggs, you’re exhausted.  You know you can sit this race out.  We kinda like having you around here, anyway.” E:  “No.  I’d feel worse if I missed it.  Besides, there are lots of people more busy than me.  I just need to re-focus.” M:  “You’re kidding, right?  You are human, you know…” I didn’t see him again to the end of the school day, when I was leaving work. M:  “Basehart!  You going or what? E:  “I’m still not sure.  I have to go home, finish that paper, check in on Nat and make sure she is set for when I’m gone, start the laundry, make a few phone calls, pack, and hop on the bike for a half hour to loosen up my legs.” M: ...

I have a sister.  She is no longer with us, but I see her often in my dreams.   To set the stage, Jeannie was an incredibly beautiful woman.  She had many eyes on her and she knew it.  She was the type of woman, that even in a crowded room, your eyes sought hers out.   She  was once described to me as “not just pretty, but unforgettable”.   She also had her flaws.  She fought battles that she didn’t care if she lost.  She lived with reckless abandonment, and was never afraid of breaking more than a few rules.  She portrayed herself as confident, strong, and stubborn, but there were a few cracks in her facade. Lately, I’ve been having a hard time letting go of a conversation we shared. I remember sitting on my dad’s swing with her.  She was telling  me about a band she just went to see, and reflecting on her hero worship for the singer.  I remarked that it must be incredible having all t...

To be honest, I’m not really sure how I ended up at this race.  But, one thing I’ve learned is that unexpected things can have the most memorable results.   Rog knows how I am at the start.  While he played Mayor--I swear, he’s the Kevin Bacon of the Ultra world--I stared at my shoes. “Gimme 4 miles”, I said “Gotcha” was his reply. Gotcha. I flashed back to 13 years ago.  Sitting on an airport floor, and strangers had just placed a terrified and exhausted baby in my arms. I had walked into the airport with a fully loaded diaper bag, and no baby.  I remember being  on the shuttle to the terminal, and a kindly lady asked Noah where he was going.  He said, “We have to get my baby sister, so we can share Mommy”.   They told me not to cry.  They said culturally, it might appear that I was unhappy with the child.  I tried my hardest to comply, as I got my first glimpse of her being pushed in a stroller, down a hallway,...

"This is stupid." This is NOT the first time I’ve heard these words uttered from Eva’s mouth.  She was heading out early on a Saturday morning to run yet another Winter Beast of Burden Ultra-Marathon.  Sure, each one has been different.  Different conditions.  Different training and preparation.  She was geared up for a 50-miler after completing a 50-K trail ultra the previous weekend.  This Beast was going to be different. Eva was going to complete the run and then “give back” to the Beast.   This race has—and continues to—give her so much.   Lifelong     friendships, new running partners and countless memories.   After spending 10 (+) hours running 50 miles in the f-r-i-g-i-d cold along the open trails of the Erie Canal, Eva was going to finish and volunteer at aid stations.   Cheering, feeding and supporting those who muscled and willed themselves to finish their own 50 or 100-mile race. I had decided to voluntee...

I am a special education teacher.    I work with underdogs.   The students on my caseload have physical, emotional and/or intellectual disabilities.   It is my job to “level the playing field”.   I am to step in and make accommodations or modifications to their education, so they can compete with everyone else.   It just doesn’t always work that way.             The problem is, my job description does not take intrinsic motivation into account.   It does not cultivate the power of struggling…of failing.   There is much to learn from both.   If a kid wants to go big, no matter what plan I put in place, it’s on him.             I see parallels with ultra-running.   There is no level playing field.   When you are running for an extended time: you will struggle, you will fail.   Crossing the finish line is a matter of ...

Brazos Bend 100       I have done races where I don’t know a soul.   I have done races that I’ve had to travel.   I’ve done races that I have forgotten gear.   Brazos Bend 100 was a type of Final Exam of Ultra Marathons, encompassing all of these things and more.   I had this travel voucher, and I couldn’t wait to use it.   I wanted to find a race with challenges unlike any I’ve faced before.   I found it with this race. My first challenge was what gear to bring.   Sorry tackle box, you wont make it on the plane.   I got up at 2:30 to sneak in a workout and to pack.   I told myself to treat it like an aid station---grab what you need, and if your instincts tell you to take something…listen.   That is just what I did.   I arrived in Texas to a sunny 80-degree day and went to pick up my rental car.   They issued me a lemon-yellow machine    Not really my style, but not really something to ...