That’s it! I’m done. I’ve run all I’m going to run in 2013. 2,746 miles. Reflecting back, there was a lot to run through—much good, my fair share of challenges, and some things that took my breath away.
The good is easy to recall. My children grew and prospered. I learned to love my job again. I completed three 100-mile races. I traveled. I laughed HARD and often. I opened doors that I thought were shut. I learned from mistakes. I deepened friendships to levels that I never thought possible. I felt love and gave it in return. I grew.
The challenges, while not as many, were deep. I lost loved ones, both suddenly and slowly. My son needed surgery. My daughter got a diagnosis. I went through a July, which I would just like to simply erase from my life calendar. I missed a finish line that I whole-heartedly wanted to cross. And, I have been battling two (most likely) related health issues that have had negative repercussions on several parts of me, including my mood.
Lately, I’ve let my struggles, especially with my health, get the best of me. I could not find a way to run through it. It would avoid scheduled runs, justifying to myself, that I simply had too much going on, or worse, not justifying it at all, and simply not doing it. On the occasions, that I did get out and run, I would find myself frustrated; too focused on my perceived walls to let my mind make an attempt at finding away around, or through. I would stop. I did what I try so hard not to do, I felt sorry for myself.
Running was waiting for me through the fog. Since my last race, I have slowly, albeit haltingly, regained my passion and my focus. I ran in the rain after work because it helped me transition from teacher to mom. I ran on Christmas Eve, crunching through the snow, in search of Santa on his fire truck, just because it made me happy. I ran at 4 am on a Sunday morning, because I awoke from a bad dream, and it looked so damn pretty out. I ran and I recovered.
I am again able to see the things in life that give me passion and take my breath away—a beautiful view; my smiling family; friends that have me levitate with happiness; my running shoes. I know I have been difficult these past few weeks---I acknowledge, apologize and will attempt amends.
Maybe I should give 2013 just a few more miles….
I’m certain 2014 will have it’s own share of happiness and hardship, but I’m also pretty darn sure that I’ll run through it.